Last week I lent a friend $500.
It was hard to part with that sort of money, especially in this season of life. But my friend was in a much more difficult situation. And it was within my power to help. So I did… hesitantly.
The promised date to repay the money has come and gone. For a few days, I did not call and let things slide. Yesterday I decided to call and check in on my friend. One of his numbers was disconnected. The other went to voicemail. I left a message, but still have not heard back from him.
It is amazing to me how hard this situation has been. Here is what I have been learning:
1) Jesus’ command to lend without expecting a return is difficult to live out.
2) I am not sure if I truly love my friend. If one of my daughters were in this situation, I think I would have easily lent her the money without expecting anything in return. And I would have done so because of my love. It makes me wonder how much love I truly have in my heart.
3) I am mad. I am very mad. However, what angers me the most is not the money (though that is hard). It is the violation of the relationship. I feel used. I feel like everything my friend said about our friendship was false. My anger has very little to do with money. It has everything to do with our relationship.
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This has caused me to reflect on the Jewish practice of tithing, and the church’s practice of giving. I think there are tons of important reasons to give. More than can be discussed here. But what I am learning again is how giving is a deeply relational act.
Relationship to God. The tithe was an act of worship and thanksgiving. When the tithe is reduced to a number (10%) or a religious tax, we miss the point. The tithe has absolutely everything to do with God’s relationship with us, and our relationship with God. The tithe reminds us that God’s relationship to us is the Giver of Life and everything in it. All of life is grace and gift. And the tithe is a tangible way we worship God as the Giver of Life, and thank him for his abundant provision in our life. (Or not).
The point: The tithe, given or not given, is a relational act (not a legal-istic act). We are not dealing with a rule; we are dealing with the living God. I think that makes all the difference.
Relationship with Each Other. My mentor said it was his practice not to know what members of his congregation gave or did not give. He said he did this to be sure he did not treat them differently. I have taken that advice to heart, and follow it today. However, that is a tricky thing.
Giving doesn’t just deepen our relationship with God, it deepens our relationships with one another. First, it is a corporate act of worship. Worshipping with one another is a communal act- singing, praying, listening, taking communion, giving. It is communal, not individualistic. Therefore it is relational… and that is a beautiful thing. Second, giving deepens our commitment to the mission of the church. Not giving is (partially) removing oneself from this worshipping, missional community.
Point: Giving deepens our relationship with one another. Not giving is not a violation of a religious rule. It is a violation against the worshipping, missional community.
We human are pretty good at de-personalizing everything. But God-created life is “inherently personal.” As it should be.
“So if something is going to be done about sin, it is not going to be along the line of laws and rules, codes and regulations. God and every God-created man and woman on earth are inherently personal and can only be engaged in relationships that are personal. Person, image-of-God person, is who we are. Sin is a violation of the essential personal nature of human life with one another and with God. We do not sin against a commandment; we sin against a person. … Sin is not a violation of the law of the land or the rules of the house; sin is a violation of a personal relationship.” – Eugene Peterson, Tell It Slant